See hair in Turkey, skulls in Paris, an Arm in Maryland, several penises in Iceland, and human skin pants in Iceland, really Iceland again? You can even visit a few strange human part themed roadside attractions in my novel I Didn’t Mean to be Kevin.
1. Hair
Avanos Hair Museum in Cappadocia, Turkey contains hair samples, names and addresses from more than 16,000 women from all around the world. The founder, Chez Galip, admits that the hair collection began as a way to increase membership in his pottery workshops.
While visitors to the cave are not required to donate a lock of hair, each year Galip does select 10 locks of hair at random whose owners are awarded with a trip back to his pottery studio and are allowed to stay in his guest house free of charge.
2. Head
The Catacombs of Paris, are essentially underground walls and walls and walls built with human skulls. Why? In the 1700s in Paris a series of forgotten mines buckled under the enormous weight of a series of maybe forgotten cemeteries. The city needed new walls for the mines and the human bones needed new places to conjure up nightmares for children. Therefore, skull walls.
3. Arm
In Boonsboro, Maryland you can visit the Boonsboro Museum of History and be duped into thinking you’re looking at something much cooler than you really are. Despite the Civil War context of the museum, the shriveled arm that’s on display behind glass is most likely not from the civil war at all, but is rather a regular ‘ol medical school specimen, says Museum Curator Doug Bast.
The display isn’t meant only to be creepy, but actually illustrates a macabre Icelandic legend. According to the legend, after a man dies, the non-torso skin can be worn and if a coin, stolen from the man’s widow, is placed into the necropants’ scrotum, that scrotum would produce an endless supply of coins.
Me: Author of 5 books of fiction, creator of funny video content, Twitter following cultivator, YouTube personality, crowd pleaser, book seller, and proponent of the Oxford comma.
You: Publisher looking for an author who knows all about platform building, book selling, and people pleasing. Dollar signs turn you on. Command of the English language turns you on more.
Lovely to meet you, publisher. Up front, I must admit to a bit of a situation. My publisher and I recently separated. Please, don’t assume this split is indicative of our relationship. We had a lovely relationship, actually. Unfortunately, due to matters beyond our control, the publisher has closed its doors completely. As of September 12, 2013 I am officially single.
I know, you’re wondering, “why should I take a chance with you?” It’s a fair question. Allow me a few lines of ego with which to highlight the value I bring to this burgeoning relationship.
[divider3 text=”How important is your career?”]
Very:
2,300+ copies (eBook and print combined) of I Didn’t Mean to be Kevin moved since original publication
40+ stories and non-fiction articles published online and in print (full list)
20+ interviews with and articles about me published online and in print (full list)
Bachelor of Arts, English Literature with a focus on Contemporary American literature and the American short story from Emporia State University. Minor in Creative Writing with a focus on Fiction, postmodernism, and metafiction.
I’m embarrassed by all the kind people in my life. Please, meet some of these kind individuals:
This could be yours. No prenup required.
“Brilliant…one of the most amazing fiction concepts I’ve ever read.”
Rayo Casablanca, author of 6 Sick Hipsters and Very Mercenary re: I Didn’t Mean to be Kevin
“In I Didn’t Mean to Be Kevin, Caleb J. Ross writes fearlessly, never shying away from the wild, insane places where his fertile imagination leads him.”
Joey Goebel, author of Commonwealth and Torture the Artist re: I Didn’t Mean to be Kevin
“A stirring novel, this extraordinary work plays upon the reader’s willingness to suspend disbelief and turns it on its ear… Covering ground similar to the works of Sherman Alexie and Chuck Palahniuk, this is an author worth keeping an eye on.”
Publisher’s Weekly re: I Didn’t Mean to be Kevin
“Here’s hoping some of that mainstream audience can pull their heads out of their asses long enough to read Ross, and then be gloriously horrified.”
Paul Tremblay, author of The Little Sleep and No Sleep Til Wonderland re: I Didn’t Mean to be Kevin
“With As a Machine and Parts Caleb J. Ross continues to stake his claim as his generation’s Watcher.”
Ben Tanzer, author of You Can Make Him Like You and My Father’s House re: As a Machine and Parts
“This is an original—unlike anything you’ve ever read before.”
Rob Roberge, author of More than They Could Chew and The Cost of Living re: Stranger Will
“Just like a Palahniuk novel, Stranger Will reads volatile: it could go any way. Caleb J. Ross leads you with a wry smile into dark places, but by the time you realize it’s too late. You will follow him anywhere.”
Alan Emmins, author of Mop Men: Inside the World of Crime Scene Cleaners re: Stranger Will
“Evoking a novel by Chuck Palahniuk or a film by Darren Aronofsky, Charactered Pieces is a multifarious patchwork of despair. From the misshapen protagonist of the title story to the gruesome climax of “The Camel of Morocco,” this collection is among the most profound and disturbing artifacts of our time.”
Daniel Casebeer, editor of Pear Noir! re: Charactered Pieces
“These stories change you, and not just a little bit. Try to forget them, tell yourself they’re not true, but it’s no use. Whether you want them to or not, they’re going with you.”
Stephen Graham Jones, author of Demon Theory and Ledfeather re: Charactered Pieces
All I ask, publisher, is for just one date to prove myself. If anything, at least it’s a guaranteed free meal, right? Contact me via the Contact Page.
Every once-in-a-while one of my novels gets promoted as a FREE Kindle eBook for about a week. That every-once-in-a-while has come again, now. Head over to Amazon.com to get your absolutely FREE copy of I Didn’t Mean to be Kevin. No fine print (except for the super fine ass print that is I Didn’t Mean to be Kevin).
FREE not enough to convince you? Check out some of the wonderful things some wonderful people have said about this wonderful novel:
Publishers Weekly
“A stirring novel, this extraordinary work plays upon the reader’s willingness to suspend disbelief and turns it on its ear…The novel casts a similar spell on its readers…Covering ground similar to the works of Sherman Alexie and Chuck Palahniuk, this is an author worth keeping an eye on.”
Rayo Casablanca, author of 6 Sick Hipsters and Very Mercenary (Kensington)
“Brilliant…one of the most amazing fiction concepts I’ve ever read.”
Joey Goebel, author of Torture the Artist and Commonwealth (MacAdam/Cage)
“In I Didn’t Mean to Be Kevin, Caleb J. Ross writes fearlessly, never shying away from the wild, insane places where his fertile imagination leads him. The first half a twisted take on small-town aimlessness, the second half the American road novel from hell, the book is ultimately a darkly comedic evaluation of a generation of motherless men.”
Paul Tremblay, author of The Little Sleep and No Sleep til Wonderland
You read this for the truly memorable cast of characters and Caleb’s smart, funny, and imaginative spin on a Palahniukian conceit…Here’s hoping some of that mainstream audience can pull their heads out of their asses long enough to read Ross, and then be gloriously horrified.
A drinking playlist. A brilliant idea, or the brilliantest idea? Lori, over at The Next Big Book Blog was kind enough to have be back after my August stop at her blog when I read my story “Petty Injuries.” This time, she asked me to supply a drinking playlist, which is exactly what it sounds like: what to drink to elicit or compliment specific moods, specifically with regards to books. I outline for you a playlist according to my novel, I Didn’t Mean to be Kevin.
New review of I Didn’t Mean to be Kevin in Isssue 4 of Surreal Grotesque Magazine (pg. 43). Many, many thanks to Surreal Grotesque, and to the reviewer, Courtney Alsop, for taking the time.
“This novel is easily comparable in subject matter to Chuck Palahniuk and Kurt Vonnegut with satisfying results…Ross has crafted a splendid story of identity and validation when one has no roots or beginnings.”
The last few book orders that came direct from me included quick doodles on the envelopes. Why? Mainly because I was packaging them while watching TV and then got fidgety after sealing them. Fidgety lead to grabbing a Sharpie (luckily within reaching distance) which lead to doodling.
I feel that Art (with a capital ‘A’) is given the distinction of proper noun-dom because of the artistic intent backing its creation. In other words, true Art has to have some sort of meaning, otherwise it is merely decoration. And that’s just what these pieces are. Aesthetic only; no treatise or manifesto necessary. If you see a message in these pieces, put down the pot.
For as long as I remain bored, orders from my website should remain doodled. If you feel so moved, simply click on a PayPal button on a book page to order. Also, books ordered from me will be signed.
Here’s the deal: I have a new novel out called I Didn’t Mean to be Kevin in which tourist trap style human body parts museums play an important role. So, I want to know about your unexpected morbid experiences. Simply fill out the form below and you might just see your words posted at calebjross.com.
(If you don’t see the form below, try refreshing your browser; Google forms can be picky sometimes)
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