The Book-hating Penis
Chris Goldberg’s recent article at the Huffington Post states that men, in general, simply do not read. “But is it our fault?” he asks. “Or have publishers just given up trying to publish and market books that we want to read?” A sadly self-fulfilling prophecy? It’s true that we need writers, and publishers with the balls to market them, but in this case I think change must start with the audience.
It wasn’t until college that I finished reading my first full book. As a child, I would watch my mother devour entire Danielle Steele novels weekly, appalled by the twisted logic that would bring a person to waste their time like that (with reading, not necessarily with the chosen author). I had video games to play.
Then, in college, I found Octavio Paz’s “The Blue Bouquet.” Later Chuck Palahniuk. Then Craig Clevenger. Then Brian Evenson. And on. In a land of Adult Swim cartoons and beer bongs, both of which I loved (and still do, to an extent) I discovered that there was room for books. The trick: finding something I liked.
It’s not about good TV being better than books. It’s about good TV being easier to find.
Reading doesn’t have to mean endless Victorian novels, canon classics, flowery prose, and romance. Reading can be visceral, bloody, if you like, violent, angry. In a word, reading can be Male.
Goldberg says that “…it’s gotten to the point where a lot of the more business-savvy literary agents won’t even bother to represent a young male novelist anymore.” This probably doesn’t mean much to the casual reader, but it should. If we don’t show that a market exists, then the publishers won’t believe that it does. Goldberg goes on to question the career potential of some of our best-selling Male authors had they been forced to debut today:
“Would Hunter S. Thompson or Kurt Vonnegut or Brett Easton Ellis or Jay McInerney or Alex Garland or Chuck Palahniuk even get book deals if their debut novels were written today? How can we make reading novels — and writing them — cool again for guys under thirty?”
These books, these authors, are out there (knock on my door, for fuck’s sake). They just aren’t given the contracts and the shelf space. So, as we approach this new year, I have a resolution for you: make it your duty to introduce a guy to a good book. It beats spreading crabs, and it doesn’t itch as long.
Some things to keep in mind:
- This is not about promoting a book that you like. This is about opening a guy up to a book that he might like. Not you; him. Like a blowjob for his birthday.
- Be careful. Given the manly nature of dudes, it is important that you approach with reasonable nonchalance. For example. “wanna get a beer and read a book?” Notice the ninja-like verbal dexterity demonstrated by presenting the word “book” AFTER “beer.”
- Guys HATE being told what to do. Even more, they hate revealing weakness. To agree to someone else’s idea makes him feel inferior. Treat reading as an option; something to do on the off chance that he gets tired of snorting motor oil and building robots out of used car parts.
- Finally, and seriously, know what your Male friend likes and do some research on a book in line with those interests. Not a non-fiction, toilet book about sports records. A novel. Give him characters and a bit of blood.
Any other ideas? Share a comment.
You are a man among men – a maverick. Now this reading thing, that’s the one with the words, right? Printed on paper and bound in stacks of like 300, and sold at that place with the coffee and bespectacled boho chicks?
But what if other men think I’m gay?!
Great job Caleb.
my method: i flash my left boob…just the left one. once they’ve completed a book and given me a detailed summary, i flash the right one. it’s bigger. 😉 KIDDING
You kid, but $5 says it would work.
And I’ll put down five saying it won’t. But only because everybody wins in such a contest, see? 😉
Tell them that novels are really oblong paper widgets, carefully refined and calibrated to exacting scientific market specifications to ensure a feeling of maximal mental pleasantness and stimulation for increased total performance. Either that or make paperbacks less than 8.5″ long???
well, it is new year’s eve…if i get drunk enough…i’ll let you know how it goes. 😉
I’d think the best way to get a non-reading dude to read a book–at least a straight man, from a woman’s POV–is to promise a blow job WHILST reading the book.
Actually, of all the people I know, the guys read more than the girls. And the girls who read read the guy authors, most of which were listed. That could just be a small failure example of the bigger picture. It is true that every woman I know–girlfriend, mother, hot friends of girlfriend–all own and swear by that Twilight series of books.
But yeah, a dude is easy enough to sell on anything. Christ, by nature, we’re the same gender who would sit through an hour of late night TV fuzz just for the prospect of a nipple. Even if there isn’t T&A in the book, tell us there is and we’re bound to it like a puppy is bound to piss on anywhere but the newspaper. Or something.
The dog piss thing; with your new puppy I sense a statement born of personal experience?
Strangely, my university professor said the same thing; her experience is that guys read more than girls. But all the numbers say women buy more books. Maybe guys save their money for lap dances and steal the books.
[…] of art forms from which to make your living.” | After news that guys don’t read (and my reaction) some forward momentum comes out of Oxford University Press to hopefully cultivate those […]
I think generally men don’t read as much as women but they read. Some men read comics others read mags, some read stuff online. Some don’t like novels, especially romantic ones. Some people are huge readers. I read so much I could never keep track. When I joined shelfari and goodreads it was impossible to count all because I’ve read so much how can I remember and I’ve been reading since I’m a young child. I grew up without a tv too so books was my only entertainment.
First off, I think we need to demarcate “dudes” from the rest of the heard. (It was “dudes”, not “men”, referred to in the article on the Huffington site.) I am not a “dude” — at least I don’t think so — so I can’t comment on that particular mindset. Maybe there is no proclivity to read in the mind of the average Dude. If so, maybe we can draw a link between the fall of the American Empire and beer pong and blow jobs and unread Vonnegut books — Vonnegut, a man who once said that (and I am paraphrasing badly here) perhaps the most noble thing a person can do is to create a world in which the disease of loneliness is eradicated. Maybe the average Dude thinks about these things; maybe not. Probably not.
Second off, I really don’t place much value in the blow job, and would surely choose the gift of a good book over the gift of a good blow job any day of the week. Give me Bolaño (whose 2666 I have not read, in part because Barnes and Noble wanted to take $30 of my hard-earned money for a fucking book. It’s a book, not a college tuition. Same reason no on buys CDs any more) over a blow job any day of the week. Then again, I am not representing the majority. (See paragraph one.)
Third off — and I didn’t read the Huffington post article in full, or Mr. Ross’s post in full either, and I am nothing but a young man, so I am not qualified to comment here — I cringe when people try to analyze the supposed downfall of the publishing empire. Because you can’t do such things, you can’t analyze something as large as an industry, not to mention one as hallowed or sacrosanct as the publishing (read: books) industry, in the moment.
The Romans were not able to see beyond their leaded paints and orgiastic ways, just as we are not able to see beyond our TiVos and orgiastic ways. Suffice it to say, I am sick and tired of people trying to prematurely prognosticate. (Not to be confused with … well, at any rate.)
Some men read, others do not. Each man who reads derives something personal from a book, just as each man derives something personal from life, or I guess from a blow job.
Stop trying to make sense of out things as they happen — it will lead you nowhere. Just go read a book, or get a blow job, or go bowling, or drink some beer, or cook a fucking steak. Or read the new Wray. Just don’t talk to me about your fucking declining book sales and how that corresponds to the inadequacies of men. I love all my fellow men, including the Dudes (for they know now that they do), and so I suppose I am a bit irked by such accusations.
Hell yes! I like the “blowjob for his birthday” part most especially. I think you told it like it is, and I laud this article. I think if you just do some research of your friend’s likes, it is a matter of pitching the product like any other sale. Maybe even use graphic novels like 30 Days of Night or Watchmen as a gateway drug to stuff like American Psycho or Kiss Me, Judas. By the way, I’ve never had anyone turn down my offer of KMJ, because I just give them a one-sentence pitch: Dude wakes up in a bathtub of ice and sets off on a journey to get the bitch hooker who stole his kidney. Then he falls in love with her and helps her sell it. I probably do it more animated than you can picture here, but it works.