Video Games are Real

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  • Ego stroked at the Cat O’Nine Tails: an interview

    Ego stroked at the Cat O’Nine Tails: an interview

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    When a person takes interest in my work, I squeal. If you heard a hi-pitched shriek last night, I might be to blame.

    Craig Wallwork contacted me with a request to ask a few questions about my work and its ethic. Great conversation ensued, supported, I’m certain, not only by Craig’s excellent provocative queries, but by the fictional Cat O’Nine Tails ambiance.

    You can learn:

    • My thoughts on academia and creative writing
    • The importance of online publishing
    • TV/VCR Repair
    • Computer Programming
    • Bookkeeping
    • The origin of my The Velvet username, ThirstyGerbil
    • The best piece of writing advice I’ve ever received
    • Or you can major in Business Management or Accounting

    Stick around after the interview and take in a few pieces of Craig’s writing. You won’t be disappointed. I recommend starting with The Crocodile, if only because any image of a kid pressing his ass against a floor to prevent shitting himself, works.

    Click here to read the interview.

  • New issue of 1000th Monkey, out now

    Grab the kids, alert the authorities, and tune the banjos: the new issue of 1000th Monkey has arrived!

    Featuring:

    • An interview with OWC’s Naked Opinion generating machine, Tim Hall, with mentions of his forthcoming delicacy, F-Hole
    • Poetry from Jason Michel and Cheryl Townsend
    • An interview with Crystal Folz
    • and from the honorable Caleb J Ross, fake reviews of fake books

    Author’s notes:

    My pieces, Reviews: Caroline Meyer’s Hidden Cigarette Butt, Joel Reynolds’s Dried Bar of Soap, are an experiment, really. I’ve often wondered how much can be told of an author by reivews of his books. These peices are character sketches, disguised as reviews. The fun part: the zine itself doesn’t address this point. It would be interesting to see how many people try to search out the fake books.

    Print it, staple it, tuck it away in public places. Email it to heads of state. Breathe its fire!

    Go to the 1000th Monkey zine page to download, here.

  • Surviving Tremors: A Time of Too Many Isms?

    Surviving Tremors: A Time of Too Many Isms?

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    Everybody seems to want something to shake dust and mold from assumed stagnant foundations. Ask any independent literary webzine editor what she wants and the words “original” and “new” will inevitably nestle into the response. This original and new work may come by way of various splintered isms, for better or worse.

    Literary isms sprout often, and lately it seems that so many of them tout the same anti-mainstream agenda. From Brutalism to The Offbeat Generation to self-depreciative referents like Joseph Ridgwell’s fictional The Shambleists, angst against the establishment propagates widely. I get it, I truly do. I’m for it. But if everything is new, will there be anything left for academia to latch onto in order to generate necessary conversation regarding trends? This is a genuine question, in want of discussion.

    The role of academia is to legitimize underground isms and propagate discourse about their work in order to better understand the limitations and potential of a society. The Beats, for example, came to prominence in the 1950s and only later got their own canons and college courses. What started as a small group of kids riding a mix of angst, drugs, and pens, swelled into something widely appreciated and of understood importance. From Ism to study to understanding; this is the process.

    But what is now? Are we at a time when nothing is intriguing us enough as an underground collective to warrant the future attention of academics? Should I be worried that if every story is new, then a lack of structure won’t support such future conversation? Are we too splintered to be someday taken seriously by the larger community?

    Or am I just nearsighted and suffering the egotistical impression that my generation is experiencing something unique? During the lead up to The Beats’s mid-century prominence, were there dozens of other, similar underground trends that either died away or congealed into what we know today as The Beats?

    I’m worried that yes, we are too splintered and that yes, the coming generation lacks focus. Though I believe in a survival of the fittest mentality when it comes to contextualizing trends, I still fear that a choking ‘anti’ mentality is keeping us from searching for answers, and instead is allowing us to too easily dismiss everything.

    Also:
    What happens to the splinters once they get legitimized by academia? Do they abandon their original anti values in favor of widespread acceptance, or do they simply try to redefine what it means to be “underground?”

    If someone like Stephen King wrote a piece fitting to an underground ism’s mission, would he (and his massive audience) be accepted or would he be shunned?

  • Hard-boiled fruit!

    Hard-boiled fruit!

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    Pear Noir! Issue #1 is now out (and proud) (unless it is being persecuted for its sexual orientation) (Sorry for outing you, Mr. Noir).

    With a editor named Daniel Casebeer, does it really matter that the content surpasses much of what I’ve read in lit magazines lately? Does it really matter that every single story (yes, every single story; even my comparatively lame attempt) touches on brilliance? Does it matter that this new mag has the word ‘Noir’ in its title, but is colored unabashedly pastel shades of green and pink? It doesn’t.

    pear-noir-1I’ve rarely picked up first issues of lit mags with great expectations (the last being Colored Chalk #1, but only because Master Caleb J. Ross edited the thing – but will, from now on, be called Caleb J. Barrelwhiskey when assuming the editor’s role).

    Author’s note to my story, “The Camel of Morocco”:

    Vein Letting is a real thing…gross.

    Issue #1 includes these fine young cannibals and cannibalesses:
    Peter Schwartz, Carolyn Howard-Johnson, Molly Reid, Jessica Hoard, Sandy Green, Richard Radford, Corey Mesler, Jéanpaul Ferro, William Walsh, Zachary German, Gregory Luce, Howie Good, Megan McLachlan, William Doreski, Jason Heller, Tao Lin, Raffi Robert Kiureghian, Dana Mazur, Thomas Patrick Levy, Brandon Daiker, John Bruce, Joseph Grant, Caleb Ross, Kenneth Pobo, Robert Swartwood, Greggory Moore, Derek Dexheimer, J.J. Steinfeld, Valerie Z. Lewis, Milan Smith, Les Plesko, Ann McArdle, Gail Gray, Lacy Cunningham, Lydia Davis, L. Burrow, Kelly Scarff, David Starkey, PM Mooney

    Buy it direct with the publisher. $10 well, well, well spent.

  • Colored Chalk: Issue Six – Waking Up Strange

    Colored Chalk: Issue Six – Waking Up Strange

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    Shit! As a word-smith I would normally attempt to describe my elation with greater pungency. But…shit! Co-editor, Richard Thomas, has taken this new issue of Colored Chalk, theme: Waking Up Strange, and exceeded all expectations. So…shit!

    coloredchalk_issue6coverNot only has he designed a stunning issue, but he has also managed to corral stories by some of the best writers around. I won’t ask his secret, for fear of being an accomplice to something. Look at this list:
    Joe Meno (whose collection “Demons in the Spring” is a finalist for the fifth annual Story Prize for outstanding short fiction), Joey Goebel (author of the fantastic “Torture the Artist” as well as last year’s “Commonwealth”), Rayo Casablanca, author of the forthcoming “Very Mercenary,” follow-up to last year’s “6 Sick Hipsters”), Alex Cassun, William T. Allen, Axel Taiari, Christopher Dwyer, Craig Wallwork, Nik Korpon, Joe Dornich, Jeff Macfee, Richard Martin, Edward J. Rathke, Chris Deal, Simon West-Bulford, and sadly, Caleb J. Ross.

    As always, the issue can be viewed online and can also be printed and stapled for local or distant distribution, depending on your shipping budget.

    Issue Six theme: Waking Up Strange:

    IS IT A FELONY OR JUST A BAD DECISION?

    There are a lot of different scenarios. Most of them involve a drink of some kind, and often an illicit substance or two. Or three. Quite possibly it could be a good idea gone bad. Horribly wrong. Then again, maybe it was that affair you’ve been waiting years to have, the right combination of music and eye contact. Hopefully it doesn’t involve losing a major organ.

    It is disorientation, a familiar moment in a strange new setting. Groggy and tired, your vision is laced with gauze, your head packed thick with cotton.

    Run, run as fast as you can, get out of here now. It isn’t safe. For the love of God RUN.

    Wait. Stay. Her eyes are pleading, her mask, believable.

    The writers in this issue of Colored Chalk all address this theme in one fashion or another. And whether they are literally waking, living their life as if in a dream, or rubbing their tired orbs in disbelief at what they see, all have one thing in common. The writing is strong, and the moment is alive on the page for you to embrace.

    My story, “The E!Morphosis,” might require a bit of direction, so, an author’s statement:

    Much less serious than most of my stuff. This “story” has a cautionary tale veneer, filled out by satirical stuffing. Kafka’s “The Metamorphosis” serves as the inspiration. The rest is just humor. Sad humor, as it usually is.

    A helpful glossary. Come back to it once you read the story:
    E! – Television channel dedicated to news of the entertainment industry. Celebrity gossip and top ten lists abound. (31.2 Million subscribers – source: fundinguniverse.com)

    Samantha Gregory – Not a real person. Though how many references are? How many referents, for that matter?

    Us Weekly – A tabloid gossip magazine. Often purchased by The Hills fans. (1.03 million subscribers as of June 2008 – source: ABC Publisher’s Statements June 2004–December 2008)

    The Hills – A MTV scripted reality TV show in which producers attempt to portray rich people dealing with everyday rich problems. These problems include vacation dilemmas, and how best to juggle work, school, and partying. (4.8 million viewers for the Season 3 premier – source: etonline.com; 2.7 million viewers watch The NewsHour with Jim Lehrer on PBS – source: weta.org)

    Axe – Aerosol body spray intended to unite date rapists with date rapees. Scents include Enygmata, Phoenix, and X-Treme High Five. ($71 million in annual sales – source: allbusiness.com)

    Axe-wraith – Alternate moniker for the above-mentioned date rapist

    Cosmo – Abbreviation for Cosmopolitan. A cocktail made popular by a television show called Sex in the City.

    Who looks better in the $5,000 dress? – A reference to a fashion column popular in tabloid magazines such as Us Weekly in which two celebrities caught wearing similar outfits are judged harshly in order to determine the next social pariah. Similar in concept to Shirley Jackson’s “The Lottery,” but with more devastating consequences.

    PerezHilton.com – A website dedicated to celebrity worship and crucifixion. (3.2 million page views per day; MSNBC.com gets 65 thousand page views per day – source: statbrain.com)

    Ashton Kutcher – Ashton Kutcher, movie star and creator of a hidden camera show called Punk’d in which celebrities are the subject of practical jokes.

    To all you writers out there check out the Colored Chalk homepage for guidelines and information on the issue 7 theme: Maguffins for Hire.

  • The Book-hating Penis

    The Book-hating Penis

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    Chris Goldberg’s recent article at the Huffington Post states that men, in general, simply do not read. “But is it our fault?” he asks. “Or have publishers just given up trying to publish and market books that we want to read?” A sadly self-fulfilling prophecy? It’s true that we need writers, and publishers with the balls to market them, but in this case I think change must start with the audience.

    It wasn’t until college that I finished reading my first full book. As a child, I would watch my mother devour entire Danielle Steele novels weekly, appalled by the twisted logic that would bring a person to waste their time like that (with reading, not necessarily with the chosen author). I had video games to play.

    Then, in college, I found Octavio Paz’s “The Blue Bouquet.” Later Chuck Palahniuk. Then Craig Clevenger. Then Brian Evenson. And on. In a land of Adult Swim cartoons and beer bongs, both of which I loved (and still do, to an extent) I discovered that there was room for books. The trick: finding something I liked.

    It’s not about good TV being better than books. It’s about good TV being easier to find.

    Reading doesn’t have to mean endless Victorian novels, canon classics, flowery prose, and romance. Reading can be visceral, bloody, if you like, violent, angry. In a word, reading can be Male.

    Goldberg says that “…it’s gotten to the point where a lot of the more business-savvy literary agents won’t even bother to represent a young male novelist anymore.” This probably doesn’t mean much to the casual reader, but it should. If we don’t show that a market exists, then the publishers won’t believe that it does. Goldberg goes on to question the career potential of some of our best-selling Male authors had they been forced to debut today:

    “Would Hunter S. Thompson or Kurt Vonnegut or Brett Easton Ellis or Jay McInerney or Alex Garland or Chuck Palahniuk even get book deals if their debut novels were written today? How can we make reading novels — and writing them — cool again for guys under thirty?”

    These books, these authors, are out there (knock on my door, for fuck’s sake). They just aren’t given the contracts and the shelf space. So, as we approach this new year, I have a resolution for you: make it your duty to introduce a guy to a good book. It beats spreading crabs, and it doesn’t itch as long.

    Some things to keep in mind:

    • This is not about promoting a book that you like. This is about opening a guy up to a book that he might like. Not you; him. Like a blowjob for his birthday.
    • Be careful. Given the manly nature of dudes, it is important that you approach with reasonable nonchalance. For example. “wanna get a beer and read a book?” Notice the ninja-like verbal dexterity demonstrated by presenting the word “book” AFTER “beer.”
    • Guys HATE being told what to do. Even more, they hate revealing weakness. To agree to someone else’s idea makes him feel inferior. Treat reading as an option; something to do on the off chance that he gets tired of snorting motor oil and building robots out of used car parts.
    • Finally, and seriously, know what your Male friend likes and do some research on a book in line with those interests. Not a non-fiction, toilet book about sports records. A novel. Give him characters and a bit of blood.

    Any other ideas? Share a comment.

  • Authors are prostitutes

    Authors are prostitutes

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    The path to book sales shouldn’t be paved with white smiles and checkerboard slacks. When dealing with a product that has neither life-sustaining value nor infomercial superfluence, sales might best be treated as a byproduct of a well-manicured relationship. One between author and audience, as well as among the audience members themselves. Book groups exist. George Foreman Grill groups do not.

    Which is why world of mouth is a valuable route to book sales. People talking and sharing opinions, with no explicit intention of selling a product = a perfect, mutually respectful form of consumerism.

    Word of mouth has adopted a kindred form online, though isn’t really “of mouth” in this mutated guise. Fan lists such as Amazon’s Listmania! help connect like-minded readers, which would logically seem to drive sales (though no hard sales data exists that I could find; although online customer reviews seem to have a “casual” effect on book sales). Forums like The Velvet and The Cult, built around specific authors and genres, promote grassroots and guerrilla “word of screen” sales as a residual effect of the social media platform.

    An evolved generation of authors and publishers has learned to leverage these relationships not just as part of a sales campaign but as a component of their overall philosophy. Another Sky Press focuses on building a fanbase before building sales* . Amanda Palmer and Neil Gaiman’s passionate post-sale reaction to their pre-sale mishap would impress even the most convinced fan-centric seller. Then there is Tim Hall and his handmade slipcase series.

    I can almost picture Tim Hall, sitting on his living room floor, watching TV, using the downtime to assemble these slipcases. Essentially, inviting the future reader into his living room, taking the reader/author relationship to near awkward-morning-after levels (in the best of ways). These aren’t mass products. These are one-of-a-kind tokens of genuine appreciation.

    Sure, their materials are likely would-be scraps with no intrinsic value, and it’s obvious the gesture is ultimately meant to sell books, but the true power lies in the implied relationship they create. I’ll be reading Hall’s books with a more subdued pessimism than I might otherwise with a completely unknown (to me) author. And when Hall releases his next book–and should I not like these initial offerings–I’ll be more willing to give him another chance.

    The take away here is that reader/author relationships are just that, relationships. Leave obsessive sales up to those who produce utilitarian staples and fluff gadgets. When it comes to selling experiences, as books are, a relationship should be part of the package.

    *ASP claims not to track sales in a way that validates this theory, but their conviction is contagious