Category Archives Blame Caleb

I present part two of my however-many-it-takes part series to get a book deal based on my amazing, 100(ish)% true exploits as a hobbyist blame-taker. However, instead of being only an instigator in big news, I want to report it. Below is my first official Blame Caleb Exclusive! (BCE)--Gluteal aficionado reverses his long-held controversial stance on large asses. Says Mr. A-Lot: “They just aren’t exotic anymore.” Sir Mix-A-Lot became famous after the 1992 release of his pro-butt cheek manifesto, “Baby Got Back,” currently in its 34th pressing. The release of this manifesto took both the intellectual and libidinal communities by storm. “The problem is that too many white boys did in fact shout,” Mix-a-Lot says in reference to a particularly layered passage in which he implies the reluctance of Caucasian males to express sexual interest. “Once the mainstream embraced my philosophy, Rump-o'-smooth-skin’s no longer suffered insecurities about their shape. So…

It seems book deals are overwhelmingly the result of celebrity. But because I have never madamed a gubernatorial knob gobbling session, didn’t shoot to national fame by positioning my condescension to gullible suckers as empathy for “the real America,” and unfortunately wasn’t smart enough to fool Oprah first, my current celeb-cred holds steady at terror alert level negative green. In fact, I barely warrant an obituary, let alone a book. But if controversy is what the industry wants, then controversy I shall give. With that realization in mind, I selfishly admit: the BP oil spill was my fault. See, back on the tragic day, 4/20, Frank and I—Frank was the rig’s main guy—we got a bit high in honor of the holiday and decided to pass the evening hours playing dominoes. “Playing” used loosely, here, as we mainly spent the night arguing over what the black dots on the dominoes…