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Posts By Caleb J. Ross

began writing his sophomore year of undergrad study when, tired of the formal art education then being taught, he abandoned the pursuit in the middle of a compositional drawing class. Major-less and fearful of losing his financial aid, he signed up to seek a degree in English Literature for no other reason than his lengthy history with the language. Coincidentally, this decision not only introduced him to writing but to reading as well. Prior this transition he had read three books. One of which he understood.

The True Stories behind Missing Pet Posters

In my newest novella, As a Machine and Parts, a character named Ferret seals a pet llama for the purpose of creative taxidermy (he turns the animal into an IED of sorts, though only for show, not for explosions). The resulting missing llama posters that pepper the neighborhood are heartbreaking, in a sense, as most readers can sympathize with a missing pet. But too often we allow sympathy to cloud rationale. Maybe the pets aren’t missing at all. Maybe the pets escaped. Maybe the owners didn’t deserve the pets to begin with. With that in mind I bring you The True Stories behind Missing Pet Posters #1. Fraternity House Novelty Goes Missing; Says Pledge Responsible: “Now I’ll never get to do pushups in Alpha Chi Ro piss garbage.” When you’ve got capslock-worthy testicles it’d be a crime to keep them to yourself. Our dear pretentiously named London Brown isn’t lost at…

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The 5 Most Painful Masturbation Techniques You’ll Probably Still Try Because, Let’s Face It, Men Are Gross, and Sometimes Romance Can Be Just As Painful

Man dies while having sex with a vacuum cleaner

Ever since man discovered his penis he’s dreamed of sticking it into things. It seems unfair for a single extremity to have so much power over a person, but the way I see it, if it weren’t the penis it’d be something worse, like the brain. And you don’t want that; a man’s brain can be dangerous. So dangerous, in fact, that it’s been known to drive men to stick their penises into strange things. I know, that’s circular logic, but I’m not thinking so well right now. All this talk of penis-sticking is starving my brain of blood. And is it just me, or is the term “circular logic” just begging for a good pounding? The inciting incident of my newest novella, As a Machine and Parts, involves a woman’s unfortunate hospitalization after unwittingly having sex with a machine. I promise you, the situation is nothing like you’re imagining…unless…

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Why don’t I use guns in fiction?

(This post isn’t so much a cohesive argument but more of a textualized exploration. I welcome contributions to the topic) I rarely incorporate guns into my fiction. To me, the (sudden) presence of a gun shifts the trajectory of a story much too easily. No matter how a character has been established during the preceding pages, a gun suddenly—and more importantly, unfairly—gives ultimate power to that character. When given a gun, either 1) a lackluster character becomes the fulcrum of a scene (or story) or 2) a well-developed character gets robbed of all the reader investment by artificially becoming the fulcrum of a scene (or story)[ref]Of course there are exceptions. If the gun itself is important to the character’s makeup, or if the context of a story supports guns (a war story, for example), or, as in the case of one of my novels, the very power of something like…

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Short Story Every Day: “That Lombardi Thing” from Phil Jourdan’s What Precision, Such Restraint

I read an early version of this collection, What Precision, Such Restraint, a few years ago, during which time I must have been drunk, since though I recall enjoying the collection I don’t remember it being so front-loaded with genius. I read two stories today, the first and second, chronologically. Both are amazing, but it’s the second I want to mention here, “That Lombardi Thing” which encapsulates what I consider to be the absolutely best kind of story: voice-driven, thought-provoking, and never too full of itself. This is why I love Saramago. This is why I love Brian Evenson (though his characters do tend to be a bit full of themselves, the stories aren’t). This is what I try to write. “That Lombardi Thing” explores the made-up (I think made-up) concept of Freudhacking, which is the practice of switching a person’s conscious with their subconscious. Thought-provoking: check. The narrator is…

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FREE Caleb J. Ross novel. Read today. Change life tomorrow.

Every once-in-a-while one of my novels gets promoted as a FREE Kindle eBook for about a week. That every-once-in-a-while has come again, now. Head over to Amazon.com to get your absolutely FREE copy of I Didn't Mean to be Kevin. No fine print (except for the super fine ass print that is I Didn't Mean to be Kevin). Click to start reading now: http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/B0088QLPFM/thecalebrosso-20 FREE not enough to convince you? Check out some of the wonderful things some wonderful people have said about this wonderful novel: Publishers Weekly "A stirring novel, this extraordinary work plays upon the reader's willingness to suspend disbelief and turns it on its ear...The novel casts a similar spell on its readers...Covering ground similar to the works of Sherman Alexie and Chuck Palahniuk, this is an author worth keeping an eye on." Rayo Casablanca, author of 6 Sick Hipsters and Very Mercenary (Kensington) "Brilliant...one of the most amazing fiction concepts I've…

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Short Story Every Day: “Sugarbaby” from William Gay’s I Hate to See that Evening Son Go Down

"Sugarbaby" from William Gay's collected stories, I Hate to See that Evening Son Go Down captures slow, unaffected degradation of a marriage in ways I've never read before. The main couple, Beasley, and let's say, Martha (as part of the rules, I'm not allowed to go back to the story at all, and I can't remember the wife's name) are seen within their small community as a pillar of marital perfection. They've en-joyed/-dured marriage longer than any other couple. One day, Beasley buys his wife a dog, a small, yap-yap-yap kind of dog, who doesn't seem to appreciate the fine home Beasley has brought him into. Eventually, Beasley shoots the dog with a gun far larger than would be necessary to kill such a tiny animal. This fact, though not directly addressed, is mentioned only enough to be allowed to simmer in the reader's head. This is what makes a…

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HeavyShelves asks writing questions. You learn something. Everybody wins.

Andrew, known as HeavyShelves in BookTube land, was kind enough to invite me to a Google Hangout a few nights ago where he treated me like a rockstar for almost 3 hours. That's a long time, especially when you consider the time frame was 12am - 3am his time (he's in the UK). I definitely encourage you to take a watch. Or, just listen, as you would a podcast (visually, it's pretty much just webcam style cuts between his face and mine...except for one truly amazing appearance by Nicholas Cage...see image below). Andrew asked some great questions, and we had some great discussions. List for these gems: My publishing history (and the importance of knowing people, starting here) Writers need to know their productivity limitations (more about why I can't be allowed to write 8 hours/day, starting here) The importance of caring about what you write (the real "write what…

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