Author: Caleb J. Ross

Would you ruin a child’s Christmas on purpose?

Even the most jolly of us get fed up with Christmas at some point. Perhaps it’s the commercialism, perhaps the forced family interactions, or perhaps even the perpetually smiling faces of children that ultimately drive us to crazy thoughts…insane thoughts…diabolical thoughts, like ruining Christmas for children.

Caleb J. Ross and Gordon Highland explore the concept of ruining Christmas for children and even offer a few how-tos in this special holiday episode of the Important Question? Podcast

What about you? Would you ruin Christmas for a child on purpose? Let us know on Twitter. Caleb J. Ross can be found @calebjross and Gordon Highland can be found @gordonhighland

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December 23, 2014
Would you eat another human being?

In this very first episode of Important Question? we ask, under what circumstances would you be enticed into eating the flesh of another human being? Cannibalism isn’t common and it certainly isn’t culturally accepted in most areas of the world, but surely you could be convinced, right?

Caleb J. Ross and Gordon Highland explore possible scenarios that might support having a bite or two of a fellow human being. One part peer pressure + one part devil’s advocate = one very Important Question?

Subscribe by clicking one of the buttons below, or simply add http://feeds.feedburner.com/ImportantQuestion to your favorite (or least favorite) Podcast app.

December 16, 2014
Review of Beautiful You by Chuck Palahniuk [video]

Beautiful You seems to be Chuck Palahniuk’’s response to and commentary on the popularity of 50 Shades of Grey series and the proliferation of commercial erotica born from that series. But Beautiful You never rises to the deep social analysis that Palahniuk’s early stuff does. Beautiful You remains simply clever and superficial, becoming more a book belonging to the commercial erotica genre rather than a commentary on it. But still, it’s a damn fun read. (more…)

November 30, 2014
Beer vs. Book – Moby D Ale vs. Moby Dick [video]

I present the second of what I hope to be a long-running series: Book vs. Beer. The premise is simple. We (me and Gordon Highland) find beers that have literary origins. Then we talk about the beer as well as the source material.

For this second episode we discuss Moby D Ale (from Buzzards Bay Brewing) and Moby Dick, the novel by Herman Melville. (more…)

November 23, 2014

It Takes a Man to Get a Vasectomy

The first successful–and purposeful^[1]“Purposeful” is used purposefully as I fear eunuchs, given that they’ve lost so much, would take offense to not being given at least some credit as early vasectomy adopters. Medically … Continue reading–vasectomy was done on a dog. There’s no documentation to support any of the possible theories as to why a dog was chosen, let alone the specific dog. It’s possible that a dog’s penis is simply similar to a human penis and therefore suffices as an anatomical stand-in. It’s possible that an ultra-capitalist breeder ordered the vasectomy to artificially curb supply for the particular breed. I prefer to imagine that the dog in question had aggressive genes and that its owner, not willing to have it euthanized, agreed to either of two alternate options: 1) dog condoms or 2) experimental wiener surgery. The wiener surgery was ultimately chosen I assume because at that time, the year 1823, condoms were “made of fish and animal intestine”^[2]Notice the important grammatical choice here of leaving off “intestine” from fish, meaning that condoms were not made of fish intestines and animal intestines, but of whole fish. Think about that … Continue reading and nobody wanted to be the guy to wrap sheep guts around a dog boner.^[3]Marvin the village creep volunteered, but nobody trusted their dog to be alone with him. (more…)

Footnotes[+]

Footnotes
↑1	“Purposeful” is used purposefully as I fear eunuchs, given that they’ve lost so much, would take offense to not being given at least some credit as early vasectomy adopters. Medically speaking castrated is not the same as vasectomized, but I’m not willing to make that point to someone who has already lost what many men consider their reason for living. Are you?
↑2	Notice the important grammatical choice here of leaving off “intestine” from fish, meaning that condoms were not made of fish intestines and animal intestines, but of whole fish. Think about that next time you claim that a condom is uncomfortable. Source: http://www.vasectomy-information.com/moreinfo/history.htm
↑3	Marvin the village creep volunteered, but nobody trusted their dog to be alone with him.

October 24, 2014

Tiny People in Your Semen: The Discovery of Sperm

UPDATE: After reading about the discovery of sperm, why not check out my other work? My main focus now is YouTube videos about video games. Check out my channel here: https://www.youtube.com/user/calebjross

We take for granted the simplicity of procreation. Sperm + egg = baby. Sure there are superfluous operations often wedged within the greater formula, generally including + alcohol, – inhibition, or / legs (and in my case so many nights spent as the remainder), but there are three sex laws we have always been certain of, right? 1) Spermatozoon hunts for ovum, 2) ovum receives spermatozoon, and 3) sex leans toward brevity, both in the bedroom and in the dictionary (before shortening further to “sperm,” “spermatozoon” had seven additional syllables and drove a NYC taxi).

But math isn’t so simple. Consider this: the number zero wasn’t always a thing. Think about that. There was a time when an adolescent me, charged with the question “so how many girls have you kissed?” would have been morally justified to simply shrug my shoulders and let implication lie for me. But those damn Babylonians had to invent the zero, making it impossible to ethically skirt not only pre-teen sex surveys (the unwritten entrance exam to so many cliques) but also slightly more important questions like “so how many sperms do you see?”

“Zero” would no longer be an acceptable answer after Dutch amateur lensmaker and lonely guy Antonie van Leeuwenhoek combined his microscope-making hobby with his other hobby in 1677 to magnify some human ejaculate. Microscope + semen + zero = sperm! (more…)

October 16, 2014
I Stopped Writing Fiction…and that May be a Problem

About one year ago I stopped writing fiction. Despite being very proud of my output (five books of fiction, dozens of short stories and essays) and despite developing a small but eager audience of readers who looked forward to my work, I stopped. No ceremony. No real reason (that I know of, anyway). One moment I considered myself a writer of fiction. The next moment I did not.

Why is this a problem? I have a collaborative novel (written with the amazing Nik Korpon, Richard Thomas, and Axel Taiari) to be published by Dzanc in 2015. Dzanc is a dream publisher, and the three aforementioned authors are dream collaborators. Luckily, I don’t need to be an active writer in order to promote the hell out of this forthcoming book (which I do plan on doing, so get ready world). However, I can’t help but think that with my dissolved passion for writing fiction, my promotional efforts may seem disingenuous. Imagine Aunt Jemima giving lectures to halls filled with syrup makers decades after she turned syrup warehouse into an airplane hanger. (more…)

October 5, 2014